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How many marriages are sexless

How Many Marriages Are Sexless

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How many marriages are sexless

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How Many Marriages Are Sexless -

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According to Dr. Bottom line, it is much more common than people know. Besides research on the topic being sparse and dated, Dr.

When you look at divorce statistics, a study found the most common reasons are growing apart 55 percent , communication problems 53 percent , and finances 40 percent.

Infidelity or affairs are also a common cause. For some partners, sexual intimacy is an essential aspect that enriches their connection to one another and provides an outlet for a physical expression of affection or love.

If the frequency of sex has decreased to a point that divorce is on your mind, take a step back to consider whether you still feel comfort, trust, and love for your partner.

Often, not having sex, or having less sex, is a symptom of something bigger. However, Dr. Harris-Jackson says.

Sex is an important component for many partners, however, and that must be heard and respected for those individuals. On the contrary! A partnership filled with intimacy and support can be very fulfilling if that is what the partners set as a priority in their relationship.

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Written by Janet Brito, Ph. Signs of a sexless partnership Causes Navigating or rebuilding the relationship Statistics Will it lead to divorce?

Share on Pinterest. Are you in a sexless partnership? First, determine whether a sexless marriage bothers you. Second, look back and see when it first began.

Then, figure out your path to navigating or rebuilding a sexless marriage. Is sex essential for a healthy marriage without divorce?

Healthy Sex for Women. Sexless marriages can be caused by post-pregnancy issues and hormonal imbalance s, or by illness of one or both partners that affect physical or psychological sexuality e.

Certain endocrine medications used to treat prostate cancer in cisgender men and to prevent natal puberty in transgender male-to-female adolescent patients such as androgen blockers can cause or exacerbate sexual dysfunction.

A marriage may also be sexless if one or both partners are asexual or if the couple mutually agrees to abstain from sex due to religious principles, avoidance of sexually transmitted diseases , a platonic basis for the relationship or the goal of avoiding conception.

Other reasons for sexless marriages are resentment in the relationship due to an imbalance of duties, responsibilities moral, spiritual and religious ; incompatible ideal, spiritual, moral and behavioral aspects.

Some chronic marital conflict can generate a state of permanent hostility that prevents or blocks sexual expression.

It's usually the partner who behaves in a passive aggressive way the one who blocks sexual intercourse as punishment for some imaginary or real slight received from the other.

Partners then feel resentment because of the perceived rejection by the partner who lost interest in sexual communication.

Loneliness , anger and self-esteem lowering are normal reactions by a person feeling their sexual human needs frustrated by the voluntary rejection from partner.

Some couples may be married solely for legal purposes or tax benefits, i. For example, in the US a spouse is entitled to Green Card if married to an American citizen or permanent resident.

Another reason for a "marriage of convenience" is the lavender marriage , which conceals the homosexual or bisexual orientation of one or both spouses.

Habituation can be an important factor as well. Sex takes place with the same person all the time in the same way. Novelty and interest can be lost, and routine may dominate.

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Many couples assume that others have active sex lives simply because they cannot imagine a couple being together without having sex and because sex is often presented as being important in relationships, but statistics tell a different tale when it comes to sexless marriages.

Consider some interesting statistics about these types of relationships, why they may happen, and what psychologists say about couples in these situations.

According to researchers quoted by Newsweek magazine, married couples have sex an average of just over 68 times per year, or just slightly more than one time per week.

Other researchers have put the number as closer to 58 times per year, still slightly more than once per week. The same source stated that married persons have only 6.

Experts define a sexless marriage as a relationship wherein the couple has sex no more than 10 times in any given year, or less than once per month.

A persistent or recurring lack of interest in being sexual or in sex itself, and the persist lack of absence of sexual thoughts and fantasies, is call hypoactive sexual desire, or HSD.

Psychotherapist Tina Tessina stated that the most common causes of a marriage without sex include hurt feelings between partners, a partner that initiates sex but that gets turned down too often, partners that are too busy or that become neglectful of spouses and the relationship, and communication problems between spouses or with one spouse in particular.

Sexologist Judith Steinhart stated that relationship issues such as lack of trust between spouses, anxiety, pressures such as from children, and common misunderstandings between spouses also contribute significantly to having a sexless relationship.

Counselor Dr. Persons in sexless marriages are more likely to seek a divorce than those with active sex lives, according to the Tara Parker-Pope of The New York Times.

According to Parker-Pope, a sexless marriage can also be temporary and affected by outside circumstances.

For example, childbirth or an affair on the part of one spouse can make a marriage become sexless. Her article stated that in a sexless marriage, if both partners are comfortable with the level of sexuality, a marriage is likely to continue.

Some researchers have blamed modern technology for the increase in sexless marriages; The Examiner is quoted as stating that TVs and laptops or cell phones in the bedroom are to blame by many couples when it comes to interrupting sexual activity and desire.

A sex census in , funded by Relate and adult store Ann Summers, stated that respondents claimed to have more sexual confidence between the ages of 60 and 69 than ever before.

The study also claimed that respondents reported no decrease in sex drive after the age of Their respondents cited childrearing, housework, secular careers, paying the bills, and everyday chores such as these as taking precedent over sexual activity.

The same article listed depression as a common cause of a lack of sex drive, on the part of either spouse. Physical causes can also be behind the lack of a sex drive in women.

During menopause a woman can experience vaginal dryness and this can interfere with a healthy sex drive. Hormonal changes in women can also affect their overall sex drive, according to the Mayo Clinic.

Infidelity or a breach of trust was also listed as a common psychological cause of low libido or sex drive for women.

Another thing to keep in mind is that if you want to be heard, you need to speak your partner's language. This is because the issue may be deeper than you might think.

For example, if a husband, who thinks kinesthetically, hears from his wife, who expresses herself visually, 'Can't you see the mess you created by tossing your socks around?

He simply responds by saying, 'Just don't look at them' and believes that the problem is solved. However, the therapist provides him a more relatable example, 'Imagine you go to bed, crawl under the cover, and feel a bed full of crumbs.

That's what your wife feels when she sees your socks thrown on the floor. This example is crude, but it provides a picture of how each person has their own preferred language of communication.

You can notice your partner's language if you are attentive. If your partner uses many 'visual' words such as: look, see, view, picture, show, observe, and "Do you see what I mean?

Hearing auditory clues in your partner's language such as: listen, hear, say, tell, discuss, sound, loud, speechless, and "I hear you loud and clear, clear as a bell" or "Have a word with him", indicates to you that they are the auditory type.

Meanwhile, those who use words such as feel, care, touch, love, sense, soft, hard, and say "How do you feel about that? If you can single out your partner's communication style, you can adapt to their way of talking and make your ideas more relatable to them.

Furthermore, people tend to be rather egocentric and apply anything that they hear about other people to themselves.

If your partner tells you that she or he does not want to have frequent sex, you should not misinterpret it as 'Since you don't want to have sex with me, you must want to do it with somebody else.

If your impulse is to think 'You don't want me anymore' and you start following your partner around and check their messages, you need to stop and consider: 'What am I doing in this marriage?

Why am I here? And If I want this relationship to work, I need to choose a different strategy — as this one is clearly not working. Sexual issues are a highly delicate topic.

Both the husband and wife should be considerate and sensitive when talking about them. When it comes to men and sexless marriages, men should be honest and open, and not be embarrassed to talk about sex with their wives.

In turn, women should also be extremely sensitive on the subject and not humiliate their husbands for "not being men," so he will not be thinking "why is my wife not interested in me sexually?

Instead, continue to sleep together in bed and be tender to each other. Apart from vaginal intercourse, there are many other sexual practices and other ways on how to live in a sexless marriage that you and your partner can engage in.

As long as you both understand that you desire each other, you can overcome many obstacles in life. The brain is our biggest sex organ.

It can either help you feel gorgeous and sexy or plunge you into a depth of despair of no sex marriage frustration.

Almost anything can be pertinent to sex issues. Even a slight, insignificant thought can develop into a serious, sex-related problem in the marriage and leaving a husband or wife feeling sexually unwanted.

Being raised in a strict or religious household may have negative consequences for sexuality later in life, especially for females.

Overtly religious women may feel that sex should only be used for procreation and develop an aversion to having sex.

Having an unsatisfactory self-image of the body can also have a negative influence on sex life. People can get disgusted and frustrated at the idea of having sex because they may not feel attractive and loved and lead to a loss of intimacy in the relationship.

Child abuse traumas can undermine the victims' social and cognitive development and trust. Child abuse is damaging to their sexual identity and sense of self, which are both linked to having a healthy sexual life.

Depression also has a very suppressive effect on the sex drive. And since depression cannot be ignored or waited to dissolve, it is a medical condition that should be treated seriously.

In some cases, you may need to encourage your partner to seek help as a sexless marriage causing depression needs dire attention.

Oftentimes, a psychological issue stems from a biological one. A chemical imbalance in your brain causes biological response.

This is turn causes psychological trauma because of the way it affects your relationship and the way you think about yourself. The majority of psychological issues require professional consultation to solve a poor sex life.

On your part, you can offer your support and be patient with your spouse, if possible. Whatever the reason may be, psychological issues can and should be addressed.

Let's not forget that many people have limited knowledge of how their bodies function and sexless marriage causes.

They regard sex as something unalienable from their life. And if for some reason they develop issues of getting aroused or having orgasms, they may feel embarrassed to even talk about it and thus avoid having sex altogether when it comes to a sexless marriage due to illness.

Without even knowing the underlying reasons, many people just avoid having sex without consulting with a professional. For women, childbirth can be a life-changing event, not only in terms of having a new person in their life but also in terms of noticing how their bodies have changed.

Visual changes to their body shape and size can strongly affect women's perception of self and libido and lead to a sexless marriage after the baby.

It takes time to get back to prenatal shape. It also takes time and effort for some women to realize that these changes are irreversible and that they need to learn to live with their new bodies.

During that time, the husband needs to provide reassurance and support to help the wife feel loved and desired. Ruth states that 'losing lubrication' is a common problem for women after a 'certain age.

Cures include over-the-counter lubricants and moisturizers so that the marriage isn't without passion and intimacy.

Although hormone levels during women's menstrual cycle affect their sexual desire, they generally do not need correction but can lead to a lack of intimacy from the wife.

If, however, a woman notices that her libido constantly remains low throughout the cycle, she should have her hormones checked at the hospital.

Low estrogen and androgen levels are responsible for a low sex drive in women and the inability to reach an orgasm and the wife is no longer intimate.

Low levels of testosterone and dopamine, as well as high levels of prolactin, can also result in low libido levels and not having sex in a relationship.

The thyroid gland can also notoriously put a sex life to sleep and lead to no sex with the husband. Irwin Goldstein, editor-in-chief of The Journal of Sexual Medicine, and his wife Sue Goldstein, a sexual medicine educator who co-authored the book When Sex Isn't Good: Stories and Solutions of Women with Sexual Dysfunction, explain that while Viagra has revolutionized the lives of thousands of men, women have been left without any treatment for sexual dysfunction.

If you feel that your sex drive has been unusually high or suspiciously low, it is high time to visit an endocrinologist and have your hormones tested.

Furthermore, hormone levels fluctuate with age in both men and women. Women experience a menopausal reduction in estrogen and progesterone, whereas about 20 percent of men over the age of 60 experience andropause, or 'male menopause,' where there is a decrease in testosterone production responsible for arousal.

In the podcast on Sex after 50, Dr. Ruth states that for men of 'certain age' she was not specific , physical stimulation is required because they are not as easily aroused as they used to be in their 20s.

However, erectile difficulties are common in men of all different ages and lead to a lack of intimacy from the husband and sexual frustration in the relationship.

Men should not be embarrassed or uncomfortable to talk about their sexual issues with their wives. There are many ways to deal with erection and ejaculation issues.

Most women require direct clitoral stimulation to experience orgasm. That is where the soft penis techniques will come in handy.

If the couple has a desire to have sex, they can always find other ways to cure this lack of sexual intimacy. The way we eat and exercise also correlates with our sex life.

Excessive training and excruciating diets can have negative effects on women's well-being and energy levels. Getting exhausted due to intensive exercise and dieting may cause women to simply have no strength and energy to maintain an active sex life and intimacy is gone in a relationship.

To reiterate, you need to start talking about your sexual issues through an honest and open conversation. Try to get your reluctant significant other to start talking about theirs to learn what you both can do to solve the issue.

It is important to remember that marital sex has the risk of becoming boring. Years of predictable, monotonous missionary sex can drive the final nail into the coffin of your sex life and can become a reason for a sexless marriage leading to sex once in a month.

However, it is possible to bring the sparkle back to your relationship. You can get back on track if both parties share the same sexual fantasy or desire and repair the damage of a sexless marriage.

Try visiting an adult shop sometime, as the sex toy market expands every year. Something may pique your interest and get you out of the 'sexless' part of marriage.

If you notice that your partner avoids having sex with you, don't just assume that you offended them somehow and now need to make up for it.

Men often find themselves in such a position. They think that completing more household chores or giving presents will win back their wife's good graces when in fact, you should be helping with the chores in the first place.

In fact, such actions actually put men in a lower position. In a TED Talk lecture, sex therapist Maureen McGrath aptly puts it as follows, "The most common sex position for married couples is doggy style: This is the one where he is on all fours and begs, and she plays dead.

The point is that when your wife does not want sex, you should not use excuses such as helping with household chores or child care as leverage to get her to have sex with.

This is a very unhealthy practice that will damage the relationship in the long term and your wife and you never have sex.

Similarly, if the wife notices that her husband gets busier as the night goes by, it is counterproductive for her to think that he stopped loving her and that there is something intrinsically wrong with her, in turn, making the marriage sexless and the wife not interested.

First of all, it's better to stop making any sexual advances on her and leave her alone for the time being.

Let her gather her bearings and initiate sex on her own terms. Second, start communicating: Let her know that you see her reluctance and want you both to address it.

Be patient with this lack of physical intimacy in the relationship. Issues with sex drive are not quick to resolve and this withholding of affection does not have to lead to or is grounds for divorce.

At a certain point, it makes sense to accept the idea that your partner may no longer be attracted to you for some reasons. Try to deal with your frustration on your own: improve your looks, lose weight, refresh your wardrobe.

This is the time for the advice 'Love Thyself and You'll be Loved. On the other hand, people have started to see sex as an ultimate measure of happiness due to the influence of social media and pop culture.

Women especially are susceptible to the images of Instagramable happiness: where airbrushed pictures of hot men with six-packs and long-legged divas imply sex.

Many people unconsciously regard sex as a substitute for something else. They want to feel loved and wanted, so they initiate sex.

When it's been a while since their partner lasts professed their love to them, they might hope to satiate the desire for acceptance through sexual intercourse.

They seek their partners' support in the form of sex. In many cases, providing more words of endearment and tenderness will show your partner that they are loved and cared for.

Small gifts and signs of attention will indicate to your partner that you think of them and that you know their wishes are.

Next time on the way back from work, buy their favorite jam or cheese. Maybe remember to pick up flowers for your wife if she appreciates them, or remember not to buy flowers and instead of a potted plant, if that is her preference.

It is sad to see after many years of marriage people slipping into simple functional communication: buy this, bring that, do this or do that.

But remember to keep in mind that before all that, you are the man and the woman to each other. Thank each other, caress each other, and say nice things to each other.

In this regard, a lack of sex can become an impetus for you to seek other forms of interaction and expand your range of communication.

The one thing that everyone needs to keep in mind - sex is a sphere of pure spontaneity. You cannot and should not force yourself on anybody, especially your partner.

If you do push your unwilling partner to have sex with you, you will eventually see the look of disgust and cringe on their face. If you have already done so in the past and now have no sex life, that is probably the reason why.

Likewise, you should not force yourself to have sex if you do not want to, even if you feel obliged to do so. Psychologically, it is better for people to stop referring to marital sex as a duty sex should never be a duty.

What usually happens in long-married couples? When they notice that their sex drive begins to stall, they compare it to what it used to be and push themselves to get in back on the same level.

In an attempt to keep up with their once thriving sex life, they instead drive it down even lower. By forcing yourself or your partner to have sex in order to maintain the relationship, you instead put up obstacles to successful sex life.

In order to get spontaneity back into your marriage, you may try to get back from your spouse's back through sex demands. It means no hints, requests or questions about sex.

If you used to express signs of disappointment by making a sad face or rolling your eyes at your partner's refusal to have sex, do not even imply that you want to have sex now.

Any situation that used to be a lead-up to sex should be left as it is now. Do you buy gifts for your wife in hopes of getting sex back as a form of gratitude?

Stop doing that now. Do you run your hands over your husband's shoulder to seduce him to sex? Don't do it.

Eliminate all sex-inducing situations. If your spouse attempts to initiate having sex and you realize that they are doing so out of obligation, politely refuse.

Simply tell them that you are not in the mood. The aim is not to punish them or to show your indifference, but instead to relieve the pressure of doing it out of duty.

For example, for men in a sexless marriage, the husband brings home flowers along with some food for dinner. Seeing this, the unwilling wife might suspect that he is expecting her to perform her conjugal duties later in return.

However, the husband tells her that he is planning to watch a baseball game. This way, they can have dinner together. Afterward, she could relax, go to sleep early or do anything else she wants.

By doing this, the husband relieves the pressure of having sex off his wife. In turn, the wife feels relieved and grateful to her husband for not pushing her to do something she was reluctant to do.

In another example, the husband gives his wife a pair of lingerie as a gift. At this point, the wife thinks that he is expecting sex in return and asks him whether he wants her to try it on.

Instead, he responds, 'No, it is not necessary. This is because she still believes that she owes him sex. However, he just sincerely praises her looks and does not touch her.

As she walks up and embraces him, he starts to talk about something else and ignores her advances. By doing this, the husband signals his wife that there is no need to do something that she is reluctant to do.

If you find yourself in such a situation, and it seems to you your wife's advancements are genuine, go for it. However, if there are any indications that she is doing so out of gratitude, simply show her that it is not necessary and that you did everything to make her happy, and not for sex.

After some time, your spouse will stop associating you with the boring obligation of having sex. A period of sexual rest and the absence of pressure to have sex can help reinvigorate your relationship and you won't be living in a sexless marriage.

If you see that your partner's desire to have sex is genuine, make sure to reinforce it with a passionate response back.

As soon as you start to have occasional, but genuine and passionate sex, there is a chance of it becoming more frequent. All therapists and psychologists state that it is crucially important to view your partner not as a part of you, but as a different person.

Remember to keep your boundaries. Your spouse is not an object that you can grab anytime and do whatever you want. They have their own thoughts, desires, needs, dreams and ideas.

Furthermore, your spouse cannot willfully guide and control their sex drive at all times. They may want you, but can't at the moment for some reason.

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How Many Marriages Are Sexless Video

Sexless Marriage: Should I Divorce Or Serve Out My Sentence For The Kids?

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